goodandevil

The Good | Goodbye

 You often hear the expression “I feel close to you,” or, “I’m one of your closest friends.” The difference is, one is a comparison, and the other’s an absolute.

Try to fight instinct and read into this. It’s definitely on the nose.

Two people are sitting on the eastern seaboard in a living room. One is standing up facing north, the other is standing up facing south. The person facing north steps to his left and says, “Of the two of us, I am closer to California.”

True as that might be, California is still three thousand miles away.

Which do you place more value in? Having a relationship like that at all, or looking to have a relationship with legitimate “nearness.”

What’s stronger, the physical distance or the emotional? If one was close and the other far? If both were close, or both far?

Someone once told me you can only care about so much. I said it early on and I repeat it here, as I’ve been demoted - likely due to low traffic and, similarly, very low producton this past month, and am going on indefinite hiatus.

I decided it was only fitting to honour those folks who helped enrich my time here by having their addresses on the Friends of the Show page co-exist as both that and my resultant nominees for my own Lemon Awards.

If you’d like to get in touch with me from now on, my e-mail address is pride3d@gmaul.com (Replace the U of course, in case the spambots are ready and willing)…

Till we meet again,

V.

The Good | Self Sacrifice Leads to Quality of Life?

My stepgrandmother just visited us recently over the Christmas holiday, and while she’s a reasonably health lady (I put special emphasis on lady, as that is how she sees herself, and it’s one of her charms), she has back issues.

One day, while riding alongside the road leading up to a bridge, on a cobbled extension to the shoulder, my stepfather was providing her a tour of the many sights of our riverfront. The big lure was to spot the head of a passing dolphin - in this area it is normally the manatee but that’d be difficult just with the distance and angle.

The ride was reasonably rough, especially as we were going so slow, and especially in a Jeep Wrangler. At one point, nearing the end, she was visibly uncomfortable.

“Do you need me to stop? I can get back on the road easily.”

“No, that’s fine, I’m looking still. Besides, you won’t be on this enbankment much longer.”

“You’re really sure? Nobody’s coming, I can just turn right on, and I don’t want you crumbling into bits -”

She then said, motionless, head tilted out the right window, eyes permanently affixed in a hopeful gaze, “No, like I said, I’m fine. I would like to see a dolphin.”

That’s a little telling, if you ask me. Perhaps there’s a little wisdom in there too.

It makes me like people. We’re programmed for our own survival, but designed to experience that to the fullest.

The Good | When Being Acknowledged Makes You Feel More Alive

With just a few days left before Christmas, I’m going to dish out my ultra-effective super-duper Tip of Ultimate Power when it comes to gift-giving:

Listen.

I’ve run into people that seem impossible to shop for. They might tell me they hate getting presents - for the pressure involved, if it’s public, or any number of reasons - or perhaps they’re rich, intelligent, creative, etc. and you just assume your present will suck in their eyes, or that they already have six of what you’re thinking about getting for them. Chances are these people will come out with “Y’know, everyone says I’m so hard to shop for, but I want that!” and let it float out into the ether, but you’ll be around.

If not, I’ve had people that I haven’t talked to on the phone for months or even years, and then in our conversation of catching-up they’ve dropped hints about their current lifestyle, down to activities and what they eat. That’s all fodder!

My mother happened to say she’d like to see a white Christmas, again, since we more or less live in the tropics. CVS has a Christmas tree skirt, essentially a round blanket of fake “snow” (including “ice crystals” of pearled oily-looking plastic) and it makes a wonderful backdrop for the equally small present she actually requested.

In another example, a friend of mine is a successful businesswoman. Being an artist, and at school a craftsperson, I designed a trendy carrying case for files and folders that also can protect a laptop in the inclement whether she usually has to live with. It was built from Elmer’s glue and giant scrap strips of canvas.

It can’t be pulled apart with all your might - astoundingly - so it’s up to the task and then I inked the front with a portrait of a character from one of the new novels she’s reading. When I’d told her about my interest in cooking she shared with me that she was into hot sauces, so I bought a couple of small “airplane bottles” and stuck those inside the case as stocking stuffers.

This took less than two hours to make/acquire, and it was all very affordable. I already know the friend gift was a huge success, and past experience tells me my mother’s will go over well.

Just keep your ears open and you can make actual magic happen. How often do you take that opportunity?

What Could Be Good | All You Have to Do is Dream

When I was younger, and I was experiencing something I found difficult to put into words, or I didn’t think I could get someone to believe something outlandish that I had just experienced, I used to say to myself “It’s okay, when we’re all dead and become angels, they’ll know everything and they can see what I meant / what actually happened.”

I thought tonight about a way in which someone could do something similar and it could lead to them becoming insecure and detached.

If you consider human death as a sort of mid-point, with waking life on one side and the afterlife on the other, then further consider Your Whole Life as what you’d define as those two halves together.

In theory, then, if you were dissatisfied with the way something was turning out in real life, you could just say to yourself, “It’s cool. I feel like this is meant to be, even if it’s not happening for me now, so when I get to my afterlife, we’ll see what happens. Maybe it’s better there, or more likely,” or any number of different excuses.

I honestly think some people could live like this. Now I don’t mean drinking and doing drugs and screwing everyone to “live it up while you’re here.” I’m not saying to portion it out that way. More accurately, what if someone said, “I didn’t get to be a mechanic this time around, but hey, once I’m dead I can be a mechanic on the other side, so it works out! I can’t feel bad completely if I’ll eventually get my way!”

There’s a reason this place exists, though. This is the realm for experience. It may not be the only game in town but it’s the only game like it!

People always say “You only live once,” and I immediately say in my mind afterwards, “and even if you don’t,” since some people believe that, “there’s no sense in wasting this one just because you can.”

I would just like to take this moment to congratulate the recent string of recipients of the Lemonade Award, honoring those who show great attitude and/or gratitude!

I would also like to thank Michael LaPenna of Waxing Poetically for his nomination of my own blog.

As per the rules of participation, I am to nominate 10 other blogs of made of similar stuff. I know they’re out there because the community here is just too good. However, rather than tap out a list of names, I’d like to be considerate and take the time to go through the places I’ve visited and hand out my nominations conscientiously.

That said, I am facing a busier week than usual, so I might not get around to those nominations till at least tomorrow night, if not later. I’m preparing work for a new possible job and want to maximize my time and focus for those activities first.

 Thanks again and do stay tuned!

I want you to think of a time in your life when you literally saw your reflection and didn’t like what you saw. Think of lies, think of a lack of self-awareness, anything you need to to make that image raw and uncomfortable.

Think of all the times you’ve snapped at people, how you’ve hurt others emotionally and hey, why not, physically as well
For every time you’ve whined and complained, for every wasted second that you thought carpe diem was for the movies and was better served fantasizing about being naked with someone.

Through burnt toast, disappointment, failure, grief, there was one constant. One wonderful, positive force.

Even if you’re without faith. It was real and it was tangible every day.

Have you ever faked an illness? Committed a crime? Embarrassed someone? It was still there!

I’m willing to bet you’ve been jealous of other people, too tired for something, completely misunderstood one person and unfairly punished another. That there was some time in your life where you bit off more than you could chew, figuratively and literally.

That sound was you. That smell was you. Yet there’s a thread of continuity through it all that makes it all that much more okay!

Someone was watching out for you. Someone really just might know you better than you know yourself. Someone who would give of themselves when they had everything and when they had nothing. Heck, when they had less than nothing.

Haven’t guessed it by now?

The Good | A Mother’s Love

The Good | Water

The goodness of water far exceeds the scope of these articles, but after what came across as a possible rant on yesterday’s post - which believe it or not I try to avoid - I thought the only way to seek a strong balance is to arrive at a “good” and let’s face it, it doesn’t get any better than water.

If you were in a nitpicky mood you could say oh no, I drink from a septic tank, or my pressure isn’t high enough when I shower, but realistically, water’s the best thing that ever happened to this planet. There is precious little you can count on in life. Change is constant, and we embrace it whether or not we’d like to. Even puppies can flip out and make you want to toss them out a window, so you can’t just count the hits and say “Well I always come home to his smiling face.”

Water is constant. Maybe the one constant you have in your life.
If it’s the one thing that will always be good for our health, the one magical elixir that cures what ails you, isn’t it great that in our country it’s so abundant? And in this country, so affordable? And in this country, tastes great? The Heavens could have made acid or animal matter the drink of choice, but instead we get fresh delicious water.

The egg is called incredible, and while you have to respect its versatility - who figured out half of those uses, anyhow? - I will never wash someone’s hair with an egg. I’ll never remove a stain with an egg. I’ll never stop a fire with an egg. I’ll never dilute something with an egg. I can keep someone living longer on all water than all eggs. It’s the one thing we always assume will be there, and it may be the one thing that always is. Let’s be grateful for that for as long as that remains the case.

When it stops being the case, let’s remember the good times just for good measure. It won’t take long, without water, for the bad times to be over anyhow and I can’t think of a better way to spend that time!

The Evil | The Accountability of Doctors

Anyone who’s ever played the computer game The Oregon Trail knows two things. One, it’s hilarious to write in silly names and have self-referential fun when the updates come rolling around (”No one has cholera,” “Helen Keller broke a wagon wheel.” etc.) Two, the role of the doctor is respected because, like all good kids, we naively trusted them to honor the truth in what they as a profession advertise.

Now, I’m not about to bash doctors. Doctors have helped to keep me alive and I’ve never met a single one with ill intentions. I can even get past the money they make (but not healthcare costs in general) because they have to pay out the wazoo for legal protection (Can I get a discount if I sign a waiver that says I won’t sue? Problem solved. Then the people creating the problem can be the only ones paying for it. Sounds like a consumption tax but that’s another issue entirely.)

No, my biggest issue surpasses vanity and ego and that’ simply apathy. You got into medicine or a reason, and only one thing could make you survive the work and time put into that kind of education besides money. The ability for science to help people interests you. Or at least it’s supposed to.

I know tons of patients walk in thinking they know everything, and acting like hypochondriacs, giving you a hard time. Every job has sucky parts though. Endure past that, filter out the obvious noise and garbage, and listen. Solve the mystery. Care. Treat. Otherwise what are you good for.

Here’s another thought. Don’t prescribe unless you’re sure. We can’t all be masters of diagnosis. It’s one think when a joint doctor notices a limp. I’ve had doctors tell me what bugs were in my lugs after listening to clear breathing. Is it the case that I usually only deal with specific bugs, and that only a few things can reduce my weight so quickly? Sure.

I won’t even say there should be a “I have the money, let’s do the test” policy because that subsidizes the power of diagnosis and gives it to the patient, who is not trained and is seeking a physician’s help for that very reason.

I will say, though, prove something concretely to me. Give me evidence. Share the clues you used to make a determination. Most people would rather have the identity of a particular problem than the benefit of a mystery solution.

The Bad with No Sign of Good Through Which You Must Remain Good | Surprise Loss

If you said to me, do I expect my family members to be there tomorrow, I would say yes because I’m not aware of any immediate threats. I think there’s a difference, however, between assuming the status quo and taking things for granted. Over the weekend a good friend of the family from another state lost her new husband in a car accident.

I can’t really presume, or I should say I don’t want to, but it’s probably safe to imagine that they had plans for next week just as they’ve had plans for the twenty or thirty weeks before this. Things were going according to plan, and nothing was interrupting that. Today I will go to sleep and tomorrow I will still have a partner.

Except for her that wasn’t true.A relative today told me he felt it would be harder to deal with a sudden loss as opposed to, say, a terminal cancer, speaking from experience with the latter half. I represent the former, and I am fortunate enough to not have experience with the full spectrum, but it does mess with your perspective on reality.
Bad things can happen, and will happen, and they can and will stay that way in equal measure.

The Possible Evil in The Certain Good | Faith as a Crutch

Tonight I spoke with an old friend about varying approaches to life, and an interesting concept came up. The saying goes, “God helps those who help themselves,” and people generally find that to be the case - it’s effective if for no other reason than it ensures that work is getting done.

Some of us, though, are emotional subsistence farmers. We’d like to be the first line of defense, and then if we can’t deal with it, it gets to God. We see that large of a separation. What if God can’t help either? Or more realistically, what if it seems that way?

Recently when circumstances have felt dire, I’ve reached for my cross. This is something I’ve never done in the past, but desperate times call for what appear to be desperate behaviors. I am looking to fill a hole, but in the end that’s all that happens. I dip below the baseline into the negative numbers, I grab the cross, and if things don’t immediately improve at least mentally the protection or consolation I feel bring me to zero. That’s where I am, I’m home, free and clear from the negativity.

That’s all it does though. To get back into the positive, you need something more direct, and perhaps a little stronger: yourself.

What about the saying, you’re asking? How is it any different from you helping yourself the first time? You’re helping yourself in a different way. Before you were acting as a salve just as you later hoped God would.

Now you are not only the solution, but armed with hindsight and context, a means for all the energy at hand to be motivated into creating both an end to the problem - aka a solution - but an anti-problem that goes beyond zero into the positive numbers and creates a genuinely good situation as a buffer.